Australian Adventure: Vegemite – Take 2!

Apparently I had been eating my vegemite the wrong way. Of course it would be terrible. 

Poor preparation = poor experience.

So, I decided to give it another go – except this time instead of expecting delicious Nutella-like goodness I was prepared for… 

Well… vomit.

I brought out the big guns… pre-prepared snack deliciousness… a no-fail option right??

Wrong.

The image not captured here was me trying to find a trashcan to upchuck. 

Australian Adventure: They love the abbreviations

So you've probably heard about "G'day", but this is just scratching the the language shortcut surface that Australians take. 

As a connoisseur in abbrevs, this is something I can def get behind. Here is just a tasting of some of the language twists I've encountered:



Recki

Definition: Recognize

I least I think that's what it means. My coworker thought it might me "recommend". 

The context in which we heard it could really swing either way, which means there's only one thing to do... make an a$$ of myself and ask a waiter if they would "recki" a certain entree (or what's called "a main" here). 

If it means recognize, I'm an a$$ because I suggest they don't know the menu. If it means recommend, I'm an a$$ because I used Australian slang with a Texas accent. 

The end result will be my food getting spit on.

Gents

Definition: Gentlemen 

Now, this is just plain delightful, but I don't think I can pull it off.


Sanger  

Definition: Sandwich

I'm not really sure, nor am I sure I want to know, how we got "sanger" out of sandwich. I have to say I much prefer "sammie".


Mozzie

Definition: Mosquito

The link is clearer for me here, but why not just call mosquitoes what they really are... the most worthless waste-of-parasite-on-my-soul that exists.


Softie 

Definition: Soft drink 

It's a "coke" people!!! Even if it's Dr. Pepper... it's a coke!!!

Coldi

Definition: Cold beer

I can get behind this if it means someone is bringing me a cold beer.


Barbie 

Definition: Barbecue 

Let's be honest people... who yelled out "throw another shrimp on the...!" before even reading this sentence??

-G'day!

Australian Adventure: Metric System... You B.

I remember why I hate the metric system.

I was terrible at it in school, and only by the grace of iPhone and I'm managing to barely get by as an adult.

Barely.

Everything here is metric.

This poses more challenges then one would expect...

WEATHER
The locals have said that the rain we've been getting is really unusual for this time of year. Thanks Mother Nature... I feel so special. Now that I feel special, can you bring on the sun?

We're shooting in a few days and we've got an outdoor scene - I need sun for my scene!!

I've been watching the weather and they've predicted rain. They've predicted rain in millimeters. This means nothing to me. All I can tell is that, yes, rain is in my future... how much?? No. Idea. 

So, I'll continue to internally panic until the scenes we need are shot and done.


FOOD CONSUMPTION
I went out for coffee, and they asked what size I wanted... millimeters.

Me: "uh... the big one."

Probably what the waitress was thinking: "Stupid American."


SIGHTSEEING
Google knows I'm not in the US.

And when we've had a little downtime, I've Googled places to explore. Google tells me the distance in kilometers.

Me: "So... is that far?"

I learned the hard way on one Google-induced trek... Yes. Yes it is.


The metric system... so not brilliant.

Australian Adventure: Things I've learned down under...

Day 1 in Australia was rainy, so a misadventure was not in the cards. But... I did learn a few things.

1. The toliet DOES flush the opposite way. 

A big thank you goes out to Jordan for helping solve the mystery... yes, she ran to the US restroom to investigate for me.

2. Vegemite. Is. Wrong.

Like cruel and unusual punishment wrong. I'm seriously thinking about hitting up the US Embassy for that one.

I didn't know what Vegemite really was before getting here. Just that it was apparently a big deal. So I gave it a try. It was dark brown and had the texture of peanut butter - I had mentally prepared myself for a Nutella taste.

I should win an Oscar for giving the performance of a lifetime: NOT throwing up and causing a scene at the table.

My coworker later sent me a definition of it... ignorance is bliss. Or in my case ignorance is a mouth full of Vegemite.


3. Aussies = not big coffee drinkers. 

I've only been here a day so this may be an assumption on my part, but here's where I'm at with the size of their coffee cups...


4. I must incorporate "Brilliant" into my vocabulary when describing/responding to things. 

Why have I ignored this word for so long?


5. They drive on the wrong side of the road!!!

Ok I knew that beforehand, but experiencing it totally a different thing. Especially when it comes to crossing the street. Thankfully, and maybe morbidly because of prior incident, the Australians have this covered...



6. Australian cab drivers are EXACTLY like American cab drivers.

They're nicer to you than American drivers, but they'll still take you on the "scenic route".


Brillant!

The 19-Hour Flight

It just sounds like a beating doesn't it?

It wasn't too bad.

Except that I had "Handsy" sitting next to me and "Andre-the-giant" in my lap.

Literally, of all the open seats, why did it seem like I was the ONLY person on the plane with someone sitting RIGHT next to me??

I had plans for that seat next to me... Great plans. I was going to commandeer it for a bed. Genius right?

Instead, I got Handsy, who earned his name by letting his hand drop into my lap 3 times while he was sleeping.

He also talked to himself.... loudly. Was it to casually make a comment to strike up conversation? Perhaps.

But I have a strict "no-talk" policy when it comes to planes. Call me anti-social but think about it... If the conversation is bad, you can't escape. And if you've acknowledge the presence of the person next to you with conversation, you can't really un-acnkowledge them and keep to yourself. Let's face it, with 19-hours ahead of me I had no intention of sticking it out in bad conversation.

Then there was Andre.

Andre was well...

You get it.

Andre pretty much rode to Sydney in my lap.

I do not exaggerate. The flight attendant even made him sit up when they served dinner just so I could eat.

Let's just say, come layover in Brisbane (16+ hours later), I was ready to get off that plane. (Plus, at that point I'm pretty sure that was Handsy's B.O. I was smelling...)

During the layover in Brisbane my coworker and I pretty much got strip-searched due to contraband (nail clippers). I considered asking for a tip after I got the dangerous chemical swab test to pay for my baby nail clippers they confiscated.

The last leg of the trip was pretty uneventful, save for dragging my poor suitcase (now with two broken wheels) through customs.

Now my Aussie adventure begins.

Getting to my "G'day mate!"

I got lucky.

For work, I got the opportunity of a lifetime to travel to Australia.

Getting there... not so lucky.

Well perhaps that's an exaggeration, but let's say my pre-travel left something to be desired...

FROM THE BEGINNING

Starting in Dallas, I stood in the wrong line for thirty minutes... 3-0 minutes.

Finally figuring out I'm in the wrong place, I start rushing to the other side of the terminal... realizing that my luggage is suddenly REALLY hard to roll along.

I keep trucking along figuring something is caught in the wheel until it starts dragging so bad I finally stop to get whatever is caught on the wheel out.

That when I look back and realize... There is no wheel. Or wheel cover that is... Yes, behind me was a trail of little wheel plastic bits and a black streak from my bag-dragging.

I pretend like it didn't happen and keep moving.

I'm THAT guy. (I still kind of hate myself for it too.)

Hiding my guilt I hightail into high gear, hoping no one notices the jerk who's trailing a mass of plastic shame behind her.

The guy must have sensed my weakness... like the sickly antelope from the heard. Looking back I wonder if he would have blackmailed me.

The guy was a reporter for a local news station. He was working on a piece and needed interviews and cornered me.

I. Do. Not. Have. Time. For. This.

I'm not really sure what I said to him... I AM acutely aware that I had no make-up, was flustered, and was practically wearing PJs. I can only hope that this is one of those fluff news pieces that never sees the light of the day. (Sorry 'bout your career stranger but I don't need half of Dallas seeing me look like a hot, plastic-littering, mess.)

I somehow managed to make it on the plane without any further disaster (aside from handing the desk clerk half of my broken wheel - the look on her face can pretty much be described as WTH).

So... 19-hour flight here I come....