Ice Storm 2013 - The Drinking Game

Justin and I have been without power since midnight.

Luckily, we're scrappy...

I present to you: Ice Storm 2013 - The Drinking Game...

Anytime anyone:

- Turns on a light switch when walking into a room: take a drink

- Suggests an activity that requires electricity: take two drinks

- Tells another person we're without power: take a drink

- Loses/misplaces their designated flashlight: finish your drink

- Lights a candle: finish your drink and open a new drink

- Asks for a fire to be started (for heat): take a drink and suck it up 

- states the obvious, "it's dark in here": take two drinks

- checks for an update when power will come back on: chug a drink (you'll need it when you see the time estimate)

- Breaks down and empties the contents of the fridge and freezer onto the back patio (because yes it's colder than the fridge): finish your drink and open a new drink while hoping you don't have a family of carnivorous raccoons to contest with in the morning 

*** new rules to come...

Bambi Whisperer

Turkey day was with the in-laws this year, which also translates to "huntfest -enter year here-".

In keeping with tradition, Justin tried to take me up for a morning hunt in Coleman, TX.

Justin: *shakes me* 

Me: *shake head back, roll over, pull cover over head*

Justin goes without me.

After his return...

Me: Did you see anything?

Justin: No.

Me: Too bad... I did.

Justin: What?

Me: Well I woke up - because I had to go to the bathroom. 

(Writer's note: to fully understand the meaning of the pause in that statement and to fully appreciate the rest, you should probably click the link above.)

So I'm out there and hadn't seen anything - then I saw one at the feeder.

Justin: Cool! What did it do?

Me: Well it was eating - but I was NOT staying where I was currently sitting so I quietly moved towards the cabin. 

I was really worried that it would run away, but it kept eating.

Then I got onto the porch, and it looked at me.

Justin: That's pretty neat.

Me: Yeah - it kept on coming too - it was the strangest thing.... And then I remembered I was wearing my moose hat

So I thought maybe that's why kept coming closer - He thought I was a relative.

Justin: Wow!

Me: Well that's not all - he kept coming closer and closer - I mean he was probably a few feet away from me.

And then the deer said, "Hey Whitney - how about a beer?"

Justin: *Looks at me*

Me: Too far???

Later that night, Justin shows me a picture of him petting a deer saying "this is an 'actual' deer sighting".

I showed him my picture... 

I know... I'm not very photogenic.

See... Bambi Whisperer.

And then the queen canceled on us...

Monday, the queen was coming to dinner.

I was pretty jazzed. 

Dubs and Katie (or as most people know them - William and Kate) were pretty busy with the new baby so they couldn't make it - but to tell the truth I was excited to catch up with Liz. It had been awhile.

Now - we're on pretty casual terms, but I still keep up appearances for the queen.

So, in addition to picking up the house and doing laundry, I set out our wedding china for dinner.

I was planning an elegant dinner - shrimp over filet with potatoes au gratin - Liz's favorite. Served of course with sparkling water and a whiskey night-cap.

And then. 

The queen canceled...

So we had hamburger helper instead...

True story.

Mostly...

Facebook in November

For me, the past few years the month of November has been a fascinating time to be on Facebook.

My newsfeed is filled with "day __: today I'm thankful for", and I always find the responses intriguing.

I do not personally participate in this ritual because let's face it

(1) I've never been good at keeping a diary. Heck, lately I've been having trouble keeping up with my daily to do list (speaking of, I hope I fed the dogs this morning...)

(2) My posts would probably need more information than is acceptable for unofficial FB etiquette...

For example, if I were to write one today it would have been "today I'm thankful for muscle relaxers and pain killers." - an obvious opportunity to cause a momentary family scandal for all to ask my parents when their youngest became a drug addict...

I'm going to leave that unanswered too because the sheer fun of it compels me to do so...

We are a little crazy after all...

So while you won't receive any "I'm thankful fors" from me, save for maybe an unintentional timing of an ode to my DVR or my crockpot, bring on the November status updates people. I'll be reading.

The safe

Should really be called... The bunker.

But let me start at the beginning.

So Justin is a gun enthusiast. Much like Cookie Monster is a circular sugar-disc connoisseur. (I know. Using "gun" and a childhood character in the same paragraph...)

But really - Justin is a hunter and as such has several guns.

He's been wanting a safe to keep them in and in the interest of not decorating in ammo I was in strong support of this purchase.

So after finally finding the right one he tells me he's bought it.

Me: Cool. Great.

Justin: I'm going to need your help getting it home.

Me: Pardon?

Apparently the store doesn't deliver. 

So... We get a trailer at Home Depot (me still blissfully unaware of what is about to happen) and go to the store to pick the safe up. The store clerks are super nice and proceed to get a dolly to get the safe.

Seeing the safe in the first place should have been my first clue that I was in trouble... But sitting next to the other safes, it didn't seem that big. Or that heavy.

The sales team gets it to the parking lot;  looks at the trailer and you can practically see the panic in their eyes. Our little baby-sized trailer is not going to work.

I'm not sure how it transpired but we managed to get them to deliver to the house.

Key: To the house. Not INto the house.

So fast forward and we've now got 600 pounds of Justin's pride and joy in our garage. That's 600 empty. (The guy asked if we were bolting this bad boy down and I said if it weighs 600 empty and someone steals it full of guns they can have it as a victory/consolation-for-the-hernia prize.)

Justin wanted this in our closet. Frankly, as long as it didn't impede my side of the closet capacity I didn't care.

But how to get it in there.

Luckily, we rented a dolly.

Sadly, the dolly didn't come equipped with 3 burly guys named Frank, Joe, and The Rock.

So Justin's got me trying to tilt this thing onto the dolly so he can wheel her in. Not happening.

Fortunately, we had two saints at our house that day working on some electric stuff for us... and after seeing my pained (and over-exaggerated performance) asked if we needed help.

I probably jumped at "yes" too fast but I was desperate.

So after finishing their work, our two saints help get the safe into the house. How? Angels you might ask? Perhaps so...

Then they get it to our closet door.

It. Doesn't. Fit.

Are. You. Kidding. Me???

So... we can't move this by ourselves... fast options, fast options.

Justin: "it could go in the med-didn't-get-to-finish-the-sentence-before-I-said-no."

So the study it is.

The tricky part is that the hallway turns sharply. Saint Carlos isn't sure it will fit.

At this point, I'm having an internal decorating panic attack thinking that this stupid safe is now going in my dining room.

Then... The clouds parted and the skies opened and an angelic light shined upon us...

"Well, I think we can try and get it in." - says Saint Carlos

Carlos. Is. My. New. Best. Friend.

Like, if I could go back in time, Carlos would be a bridesmaid.

So after much breath holding - the safe is in. Sadly it wouldn't fit in the study closet either but after it NOT being in the main part of the house I was so overjoyed I didn't care.

Even when I have to look at this in our study...

We need separate bathrooms

Not because we can't get along.

Not because sharing is inconvenient.

Not because of anything to do with... well anything involving toliet paper.

We need separate bathrooms for our toothbrushes.

If you've read my blog before you know what I'm about to say...

I used Justin's toothbrush.

Not his brand new, never-been used tooth brush but definitely HIS toothbrush.

Again.

Yes, it's happened before and it happened again.

You might be trying to help a girl out...

Surely, they look alike hence the mistake.

No. They. Don't.

This week I was going on a business trip (at a time that should be outlawed) and Justin the sweet guy he is got up with me while I was getting ready. I was trying to look presentable while packing my bag and deciding I should have done my nails the night before when I was brushing my teeth.

Justin was getting ready too and patiently waiting when I set the toothbrush down. 

And then it hit me.

I just set down a blue toothbrush. My toothbrush is pink and unless this is sleeping beauty

Throwback!

I'm pretty sure I wasn't supposed to use the toothbrush I just used.

I slightly blamed Justin. After all, he moved my toothbrush and put his right where I left mine.

But who am I kidding...

I'd like to say I've learned my lesson. But I doubt it.

Just don't invite me to stay at your house... I apparently have no respect for your personal toothbrush space. 

Why CPS Will Take Our (Fictional) Children

Like most couples, Justin and I have conversations about fictional children.

Me: Kids are expensive.

Justin: No they're not, my coworker had one and it cost like $1,000 with our insurance.

Me: That's just having one. Once you have one it's like a $1,000 a month in daycare alone.

...

Justin: we'll just set a pen up in the backyard and Juno and Molly will watch it.

Me: *puzzled look*

Justin: yeah it will be like Simba from Lion King or something like that. Molly and Juno would go nuts getting to raise it.

Me: oh good, we'll have a child that barks and growls at other children and may pee on the floor if the grass is wet.

And another conversation...

Me: I don't want to name our children a "J" name.

Justin; I want our kid to be named Jack.

Me: Jack Goff?

Conversation over.

Honey-Do...Convincing Your Husband Into Being Your Handy-man

Justin and I have been together for 7 years and I'm still constantly learning new things about him.

Case-in-point: what cons convinces him into doing all my honey-dos.

We got our house two years ago and almost immediately the "new house glow" wore off when I found this problem.

No storage in the laundry room.

Like none. Not even a little baby shelf.

I put it on our fixer-upper list but days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months.

Finally, I got Justin to put a pole up so I could air-dry cloths that can't go in the dryer. First CONvincing technique discovered: "shrinking your husband's shirt = drying rack".

After another stretch of time I got on the Pinterest wave discovering this beauty:

I totally want this...

So without fully committing to the color I decidedly bought pre-fabbed shelves to hang.

CONvincing technique #2: 

This one takes pre-planning. And by "pre-planning" I mean demonstrate all lack of care or consideration on whether or not you find a stud to hang your shelf.

The results: "pose enough potential structural damage = shelf city"

Ok hobby lobby pre-fab shelves... Maybe "shelf village" is more appropriate.

My laundry oasis was almost complete... Except for the all-importante main storage for all the ins and outs of laundry.

CONvincing technique #3:

Now I don't know how my OCD self went over two years with laundry detergents, bleach, starch, etc piled on the dryer but somehow I did.

I also don't know how I became the sole owner and operator of Goff Wash N' Dry but that's another story...

What I do know is deep down... Probably way deep down... Justin is just as OCD as me.

One weekend (while the owner of Goff W N' D was out of town) Justin did his laundry.

I came back and no sooner had I put my bag down did the most beautiful phrase to a homeowner come out "Babe, let's go to Home Depot so we can build some shelves for the laundry room." (My parents are probably laughing their butts off at the sweet sweet irony of this.)

And there you have it: "If you irritate him, he will build it." 

Now onto my next honey-do... Convincing Justin to hang a chandelier in the laundry room... Done of course by demonstrating my "trial by error" and "we carry good insurance" attitude when it comes to all things electrical.

Surviving Country

This past weekend Justin and I went out into the country.

And when I say "country"... I mean:

That's right. Two words that DO NOT belong together: Outside bathroom.

Now I don't consider myself a girly girl. Heck - trends die as soon as I start wearing them. I'm more what you'd call a t-shirt and jeans girl.

Justin has often confused this with "outdoor enthusiast girl".  Any t-shirt and jeans girl knows there IS a difference.

Still... I found myself in the country this weekend, so in a fight or flight situation I had to hone my country survival tips:

1. If you feel like something is crawling on you - check it! In fact, I recommend you develop a sixth sense enabling you to know where all bugs are at all times.  

2. Two words that should appear together more often: Breakfast beer.
 
3. Always be prepared:

4. This is perfectly acceptable country attire:

I also established survival tips for Justin... surviving Whitney in the country:

  
1. Be prepared stop, reverse, and coax any animal to glamour shot for me.

 

It only has ONE HORN!!!!

2. I am.... A badass at dominoes.

3. I find my sarcasm auto-increases in the wide open spaces of Texas. Case in point:
Justin: Have you seen a quail?
Me: Yeah... on a plate.

4. Accept the fact that when I finally do get cell reception... I WILL online shop.

Hello new shoes!

5. Running water. If I have to explain, you have missed the point.

All-in-all it was a good weekend and clearly I survived. But "no" babe. That does NOT make me an "outdoor enthusiast girl".