Three Months With Jase

Dear Jase,

I thought we talked about this... we expect you to pull your weight around here... you haven't even gone on one job interview this past month....

Here are some things you did do:

• You slept 8 hours in your fleece pjs... I promptly went out and "new mommed it" by dropping $50 on more pjs the next day. ...You destroyed one on the first wear. (Since then, your longest sleep stretch has been 11 hours but you still keep us guessing on how long you'll actually zonk out)
• You've started to acknowledge the dogs (Juno liked it better when you were oblivious).
• You had your first public meltdown, marking your first official PSA for abstinence for all teenagers that were in close proximity.
• You love: Smiling and giggling, when we stick out our tongues at you, Dr. Seuss books, being warm (hence the fleece pjs), your hands, and Christmas lights
• You can: Fight sleeping so much that I considered (briefly) drinking your formula in case it contained some freaky caffeine super power, frown with such a face that makes us giggle, scream like no body's business (usually when you're fighting sleeping), make us smile and laugh even when we're exhausted

Things to tell your therapist - (which, FYI, is why you should get a college degree... so you can afford one... at least before you have kids):

• Your 2 month shots. Not only did you get the needle jammed in your leg (according to your dad the nurse was a sadist... I wouldn't know as I refused to watch), but you spastically screamed the rest of the day. This included a ballistic freak out when I tried to change you (I think you were afraid more shots were coming 😥).
• Your mom doesn't watch you get shots. She's a wuss... a wuss who had to edit out the use of "sadist" when you asked to read this post.
• We made you do tummy time. You can hold your own head up. You're welcome.
• After we were awake for almost 24 hours straight (21 to be exact), we reminded you that you were lucky because people can drop off babies at fire stations. (Note: We weren't saying we'd do that to you... we were just letting you know...)*

Things for our therapist:

• When that diaper line changes to blue... seconds after I put you in a new diaper. (Emphasize 90% of the time when I put you in a new diaper.) 
• Your 2 month shots for the aforementioned reasons.
• You've been moodier than Kayne West, spastically screaming for no reason... For days. 
• You decided that we should play a game of "catch the diarrhea"... a game that even when you win, you lose. 
• You and your dad thought it was funny to splash me with water during your bath... water that you had peed in.

You've made up for sleeping longer by being tougher on us this past month but you've also been a lot of fun... I guess we'll let you slide on the job thing (until next month).

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

*Kiddo, your parents have a dark sense of humor - you better get used to it.

  

It's true. Having a baby changes you.

But let's forget the cliche "You've never loved anyone so much" - if you've read my blog before, you know you came to the wrong place if you wanted a Hallmark sentiment. 

Here are some of the less obvious, but impactful, ways having a baby changes you (or me at least): 

#1: You evaluate the value of life activities based on how many naptimes it will cost you.  

Shower? That's one nap... two if I wash and dry my hair. ...Suddenly I find myself all about conserving water. You know for the children...

Grocery shopping? Not only will it cost a nap but possibly a screamfest since the nap is interrupted with getting in and out of the car seat... Food is overrated.

#2: You finally understand the phrase "crying over spilled milk". 

If you pump you act as if every drop is liquid gold (and for the time it takes it pretty much is). I once went on a cussing rampage when I spilled drops... literally drops...

Now, when he doesn't finish a bottle of formula, I calculate in my head how many meals of ramen that would have bought... ramen I'll surely have to eat if he keeps wasting formula. 

#3: When you find that magical unicorn of timing it out so you're eating when the baby is sleeping... 

You eat like a starving convict because (1) you've forgotten how to function eating with both hands and (2) you just know the kiddo is going to wake up mid-meal.

#4: Your life is punctuated with sound effects. 

I don't just zip up my son's onesie... I do it with the gusto of a Star Wars movie... 

So there you have it. It's true... having a baby changes you.

...I'd come up with a better ending... but it isn't worth the naptime.