1 year with Jase

Dear Jase,

1 year! We've successfully kept you alive but were unsuccessful at getting you a job... you've undoubtedly determined you're management-level sans the experience.

Here are your latest and greatest achievements:

• You have 7 teeth, with the 8th taking its time to come in
• You not only stood by yourself, you decided to give this whole walking thing a go!
• Other Firsts: bath in the big bathtub, accident where you bled 😩, trip to a museum, kisses for mommy
• You can: Signal to be picked up, drink from a straw, dance, sit on knees, stand, turn off the light to your closet, clap your hands, open drawers and pull out your clothes, and apparently open lotion bottles... 

• You love: your cozy coupe, the puppies, opening cabinet doors, being independent, shopping, showing off your tricks, your moose paci, tug of war, and being silly

We worked hard this month to give you topics for future therapy sessions:

• You don't have any cute photos with food all over you because your mom is too lazy to wash all that junk out of your hair afterwards. 
• I made you sit in your car seat
• We wouldn't let you knock over the TV in the media room

You of course returned the favor on therapy... but we might be able to afford a hotline therapist now that we're about to be done buying formula:h

• You Chuck Norris'd me in the throat... twice
• You peed on me during bath (giggling the whole time)
• You learned to unroll toilet paper so now all our TP faces the wrong way

It feels like yesterday I was busting a move to Get Low to try to get you to come out (true story - and yes my water broke that next morning) - you're welcome for yet another fun fact of why I'm horribly embarrassing to you.

You've been a lot of fun this past month and such an adventure the past year. We love you so and look forward to many happy years of embarrassing you ahead.

We love you!

Mommy and Daddy

11 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

FINALLY!!!

Now that you're earning your keep here's what else you've been up to this month:

• You know what "no" means... but apparently your Webster's dictionary defines it as "cool, let me do this some more"
• You are super independent and want to explore everything. It's been fun watching you figure things out... except you trying to take off your diaper - that terrifies me. 
• Firsts: popsicle, fall off the couch, pancake, trip to the park, and artwork 
  
• You can: walk with your toys, take your bib off, use a straw, help get your clothes on, and yank on what we thought was a very secure cord to disable the monitor.
• You love: teeth, pancakes, the movie Tarzan, balls, water, playing with blinds ,standing up, crawling over things, tug of war, and free rein to be on the move

Notes for your therapist:

• I wouldn't let you drink my coffee.
• We clipped your finger nails. Worse: we made you sit still to clip your finger nails. 
• After unsuccessfully trying to get you to say "mama" without screaming I tried to get you to call me "Queen". 
• I remembered your changing pad had a strap to hold you still - this displeased you greatly.

Our therapy (which we may be able to afford after I hire you out to clean houses):

• I had to work one Saturday, leaving you in your activity chair... this was the moment you decided to bust out your first "mama" while crying.
• You learned how to stand up in the tub - this means every bath is now a live battle with long range missile fire.

We can't believe you're going to be a year old soon! It feels like yesterday I was drafting up your eviction notice. It's been a challenging blast so far and we can't wait to see what you do this month (but seriously, leave the diaper on!).

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

10 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

Well you wanted to end this month strong: today you bit your teacher. That's right folks... MY kid is the biter. 😳

Future potential assaults aside, here were other milestones from this month:

• You threw your first hissy-fit. You're right, I totally should have let you play with that power cord...
• You had your first table food and loved it - blueberry muffins.
• You've been mostly obsessed with your dad this month, prompting me to dub you the "what have you done for me lately baby".
• You can: Charm any and everyone, pull up to standing, move across the house in a flash, cry on demand, climb on top of things, bang your toys together and torment Juno.
• You love: Daddy, fish-hooking mommy, mac and cheese, singing, anything that makes noises, throwing things out of your crib and gathering up your pacis to make a paci-pillow 

Here are the ways we've terrorized you (don't want you running out of topics for therapy):

• We made you wear clothes and change your diaper on the reg
• We shut the closet door
• I rolled up to daycare listening to Nicki Manaj 😎
• As we figured it'd be awkward for you to be drinking from a bottle when you graduate high school, we switched you to a sippy cup. 

Our therapy after this month:

• You made a terrific encore of daycare and bit your daddy the same day. 
• Your poo can stink up the whole room... and the hallway.
• You learned a new trick of spitting out your milk. While you think this is hilarious, I realized why I smelled rotten milk... halfway to work.

We love you so much. It's really hit us how fast you're growing up. We've both checked in on you while you were sleeping just to soak it in... 

We also run like hell if it seems like you're going to wake up... 

We love you!

Mommy and Daddy

9 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

You've grown so much this month! The daycare teachers are starting to ask what steroids we feed you...

This month's moments:

• After a brief hiatus upon discovering you can grab her, Juno likes you again and gives you kisses.
• You learned how to drop food... Molly now appreciates your existence.
• Now that you're on the move you want to investigate everything.
• You have 5 teeth with another cutting
• Firsts: Playing in grass (I had to be sure you didn't find "brown spots", first time eating meat, practicing walking, supported standing
• You can: say "dadadada", cry on demand for attention when someone is looking at you, crawl over things , get your legs up under you, pull drawers out, open cabinet doors, and pick things up with your fingers
• You love: watching mommy/daddy, when the dogs pant, splashing, rugs.... you're obsessed with rugs, toys that make cranking noises, bags (or rather chewing on bag straps), opening cabinet doors, and practicing standing/walking

Therapy topics for you:

• We wouldn't let you eat soap
• Now that you move around constantly we call you in a similar fashion that we call the dogs

Therapy topics for us: 

• You have a radar for trouble... 
• You think 5am is an acceptable start time for the weekend 
• I pick you up and hugged you - you felt all warm and snugly... warmer than normal in one specific area... crap. Literally.
• During this last round of teething you Hannibal Lecter'd me

You're getting bigger and faster by the day. We love seeing your little personality and are so excited to see your next big milestones... including sleeping in on Saturday.

We love you!

Mommy & Daddy

If you're wondering why most of his photos are him looking up, it's because...

This.. 👆these are his normal poses. I only get good ones when I dangle something from up high.

And this photo caption: "I can't believe she's acting like such an idiot for a photo..."

Height: 29.5 inches

Weight: 20lbs

8 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

8 months! You've been storing up a bunch of milestones for this past month... wish doing laundry was one of those... 

I suppose we'll work on the chores this next month.

• This month you started crawling!! You've been rolling around the room for weeks but apparently you just needed the right motivation... stealing a toy from another kid at daycare. That's right everybody... I'm THAT mom, raising THAT kid... 😳
• You have 3 teeth with the fourth cutting right now. 
• You like your alone time. I'm totally cool with this, save for the fact that your alone time is usually at 3am and you've been known to have hour-long conversations with yourself.
• While other babies are crying during daycare drop-off you are all about new people. Just remember to say "no" to free puppies from strangers in vans when you're older... 
• Firsts: swim session (you're a total water baby), pink-eye
• You can: Take off my glasses, sit up unsupported, reach out to be picked up, recognize pattern on shirts, roll around the room and the crib , bring food to your mouth, lunge for things (sometimes at your own detriment)
• You love: laughing, grabbing/eating books, banging on stuff, kisses, people, being held, having both mommy and Daddy in the room, watching me attempt yoga, watching dad in the yard, sleeping on your stomach, and being the center of attention 

With lots of milestones came a few topics for your therapist:

• It took me more than 5 seconds to get you the next spoonful of food
• I wouldn't let you eat lotion
• We've been Pavlov's Dog-ing you into giving high-fives. You may now think a high five is followed with a four-course meal.

And per usual, you did your part to traumatize us a little as well:

• I'm not sure when you watched it, but you masterfully recreated the exorcist soup scene in your bedroom 
• I had my first toe hit on one of your toys... the long battle of walking with a limp begins

You're turning 8 months on Mother's Day.  As I think about this day last year, on bedrest, we were just hoping we would get the chance to meet you. It feels like a lifetime ago and we can't imagine life without you.

We love you booger butt.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Casa Goff Presents: More Tired Conversations

It Was Only The Beginning

*After the 5th time Jase got up in the middle of the night*

Justin: Why do you think he's up?

Me: I don't know. He's your child right now.

Lazy... Definition: Me

Justin: Do you need anything?

Me: Nothing.

*long pause*

I'd ask you what you need but I don't want to get off the couch.

We're Cheap

Justin: Can you imagine spending $4,200 on a hotel room???

Me: Babe... 

We high fived each other earlier tonight for spending $12 on six outfits for Jase...

The Future

Justin to Jase: You're not going to watch TV until your homework is done and then it's checked.

Me: Wait a tick... who's checking it?

Justin: You.

Me: When did I change my name to Google?

A Text

Me: Here's your reminder that CPS will take our kid if you forget him at daycare... 

7 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

7 months! Time keeps flying by and you're getting so big... and yet.... no rent check? Perhaps we need to go over how rent works?

Nevertheless, you've been a lot of fun this month:

• After having the flu for week, I went in to check on you in the middle of the night because you were crying. While I rubbed your back and changed your diaper you smiled at me like I was a f-ing rockstar - best mom moment to date.
• Firsts: high chair at a restaurant, experience with grass/flowers, cereal puffs (not a fan but the dogs are onboard), swing, bruise (for future reference this not only looks uncomfortable it leaves evidence of it...       
  )
• You can: roll over on the reg, scooch to get where you want, stall bedtime like a champ, put your foot in your mouth (this was a big day for you), reach for what you want, bang on things to make noise
• You love: ceiling fans - you are absolutely obsessed with them, grabbing the book at story time, your feet, grabbing dad's beard, grabbing mom's necklaces, carrots and bananas, going on walks, being held and back rubs

Onto your future therapy notes:

• I put your toy together in the wrong order - which means I spent the next 2 hours trying to fix it before I threw it away. You'll have to do without.
• I made you wake up from a nap so I could take you home from daycare.
• While trying to capture a really sweet photo of you sleeping... I accidentally dropped the phone and it hit you in the face.
• I felt so bad that I laughed during your shots... like a maniac... I'm that guy.

This month's trauma for us:

• I swear I'm slowly developing a bald spot from your hair-pulling extravaganzas.
• As, I'm convinced, a bedtime stall tactics you vommed all over yourself and the bed seconds after I put you down.
• We banked on you sleeping through an impromptu dinner out... you didn't sleep through... you pooped. And we didn't have a diaper.
• I thought you peed through an outfit so I grabbed it to take it off. It wasn't pee...

It's been a busy but fun month. This month also marked when we officially retired your swings by loaning them out to a couple of friends. It hit kind of hard because you're changing so much so fast - but boy are you fun!

We love you!

Mommy and Daddy

Progression of a Jase smile (not pictured: mom acting like a fool)

6 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

Ok I don't mean to be confrontational but I have a bone to pick with you. It's the middle of the month and I still haven't received your rent check. Come to think of it... you're past due on the last 6 months... if it makes it easier, you can PayPal it to me.

Back-rent aside, here's what you've been up to this month:

• You are obsessed with your feet. Any chance you get you are showing them off... live it up now bud. When you're a baby it's cute... as an adult, you get security called on you.
• You have total street cred as the "chill baby" at daycare. I'm pretty sure this means you get extra tummy time... keep it up.
• You can: babble, rock side to side, find your paci, sit up without support for a few minutes, splash, and mimic sounds, and you more recently learned how to turn on your "aquarium"
• You love: snapping, fruit (veggies are definitely not your thing), the nasal aspirator, having your face wiped, singing songs, daddy's beard, having your tummy blown on, Disney movies, your activity chair, and having your diaper changed (aka a chance to hose us down...)

This month's round of opportunity to send you to therapy:

• We keep trying to get you to eat vegetables. Your enthusiastic disapproval is astounding.
• We have a pretty strong improv blanket situation...

Now for our therapy:

• You. Are. An. Evil. Genius. You successfully lured me into thinking you were going to rock this sleep through the night gig... and then you pulled the plug. I now get woken up about 3 times during the night but on the flip side - you have two teeth.
• Now that you're eating solids... Every time I walk down the hall to go change your diaper I wonder if that's how Marie Antoinette felt making her way to the guillotine...
• Being displeased with the amount of time it took to get home, I'm pretty sure you scared the CVS drive thru pharmacist into a childless existence 
• In the same trip, you broke my car's Bluetooth by screaming on cue during the voice command. Pretty sure no one in my phone book goes by "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

You've done a lot of growing up this month. Sometimes when we look at you, we see a glimpse of the little boy you're going to be. We're not ready for it... but if you'd go back to sleeping through the night you'd be doing us a major solid.

xoxo,

Mommy and Daddy

Height: 27 1/2 inches 

Weight: 18lbs

Dear Dog Moms

Dear Dog Moms,

Someone recently asked if I was offended when they compared having a dog to having a baby.

Not that long ago I was a dog mom. 

And while being a human mom is exponentially more difficult (I don't recall a c-section when my dogs came into my life), here's why I'm not insulted:

Nighttime Schedules

Our two dogs ("the girls") have long gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. This is usually followed by gulping food.. only to want to go to the bathroom again in a few hours. If I could doggie-door Jase and trust he could self-feed without CPS getting called you know I would...

Attitude

Jase can escalate the situation in seconds.

Tell me... What does your dog do when the doorbell rings?

Dress Up

Guilty. As. Charged.

The Poo Factor

Ok this is where I'm a terrible dog mom. I've trained my dogs to go where "there are no witnesses". 

Yes... judge me. 

But if you saw what they produce you'd do it too.

So go ahead dog-moms. Because I know you're just trying to relate. 

I know you know babies are a lot harder. 

And I know we each love our kids (fur and non-fur) with all of our hearts.

xoxo,

Dog Mom turned Baby Mom

P.S. I didn't forget the cat moms out there... But since cats make you work for their affection I'm guessing it's more like parenting a teenager instead of a baby.

5 months with Jase

Dear Jase,

This was a big month of changes - namely I went back to work. You're sometimes iffy about daycare after a weekend at home but on the plus, you won't have to eat ramen... yet.

Other things that happened this month:

• You're outgrowing your 3 month and even some of your 6 month clothes
• You're trying to crawl but usually end up looking like a beached whale... you're less amused by this than we are
• Your hair is really starting to come in... good thing too because the Billy Ray Cyrus thing wasn't really working for you
• Firsts: emergency room visit, cold/ear infection that led to said emergency room visit, food (bananas), forward-facing walk, and your first time to be sent home from "school" - geez you started early...
• You've started grabbing at things you want... aka we're in trouble 
• You can: recognize your name, shut off the cuteness when the phone is out (you hate the camera like I do), flop around to get to where you want (rolling would probably be a lot easier bud), grab your feet
• You love: splashing in the bathtub, seeing yourself in the mirror, when the dogs come up to you, putting anything and everything in your mouth, flirting, sleeping on your side, and letting me make a fool of myself to get you to smile

We haven't tortured you much this month, but we got in a few gems for your future therapy sessions:

• We got tired of lying about owning a cat so (after much struggle) we finally clipped your fingernails... face scratches went down by 90%.
• We gave you bananas

Clearly torture

But then we gave you green beans... 

You now like bananas 

Aside from spending the last week deciding I needed to party all night before going to work, you were fairly easy on us too. Still...

• Sucking baby snot out of your nose... I'd rather clean our cat's liter box...
• Anytime I hit the monitor to check on you and see this:

Why are you awake?? And why are your eyes black???

Special edition - Juno's therapy notes:

• You grabbed and yanked her ear...

She was not pleased.

We love you - now go to bed!

Mommy and Daddy