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Friday, January 13, 2017

Four Months With Jase

Dear Jase,


We can't believe it's been 4 months! In the next few days I go back to work and you'll start what will surely be an infamous reputation at daycare (just remember to have them call daddy for anything you get in trouble for).


Here are your milestones from the past month:

  • You really started drooling. Like I wonder how you're not dehydrated with the amount of drool that comes out of your mouth sometimes.


  • You like to get up early in the morning before mommy and daddy and talk to your "aquarium" - we get a kick out of watching you on the monitor. 
  • You're in size 3/6 month and size 6 month pjs
  • You've pretty much outgrown your colic and are a pretty happy kiddo... but take too long with that bottle and there will be hell to pay
  • Firsts: diaper rash, intentional grab, roll over (thanks to gravity), and you saw your first snow... you were less than impressed.
  • You love: "monkeys jumping on the bed", clapping, rough housing (aka being tossed in the air or being wrestled into a pair of pants), mommy's silly faces, screaming, having your feet rubbed, your hands, football games and Harry Belafonte's "Jump In The Line"
  • You can: laugh, sit up (assisted), chew on any and everything - my arm included, grab onto things, throw temper tantrums, shake your rattle, and fool everyone into thinking you're a complete angel


Things to tell your therapist:

  • We make you take naps.
  • Your mom has to Google nursery rhymes but can recite "Baby Got Back" on cue...
  • We resorted to bribing you with football to get you to do tummy time... this will likely be the start of your gambling addiction (just don't bet on a "sure thing"... you know... like Alabama winning the national championship).
  • We made you wear pjs that were too small. You may or may not have been able to bend your leg...



Things to tell my therapist (I'm considering setting up a GoFundMe after this month...):


You projectile spit-up.


On my face...


My mouth was open.


Yup...



We got a little sad looking at your newborn photos, seeing how fast you're growing up, but you're so much fun we're looking forward to seeing what you do next (sans spit-up).


We love you booger-butt,

Mommy and Daddy




Height: 26 1/8 inches 

Weight: 15lbs, 12 oz

Monday, January 2, 2017

Casa Goff Presents: Tired Conversations

I Need An Alibi

J: You're pretty good to me!

Me: No I'm not.

J: Yes you are.

Me: No I'm not... I'm plotting on how to kill you so I can go to sleep.



The Secret To Staying Married

Me: I know that no matter how mad at me you are, you're not going to divorce me or kill me.

J: How do you know that?

Me: Because then you'd have to change diapers. The way I figure it... I've got you hooked until Jase is potty trained.

J: You're probably right.


Later that week...


J: You know I could probably just hire someone with the insurance money.



Bribery

Me: I will pay you $5 to feed the baby this morning.

J: Why are you going to pay me $5?

Me: Because that's what I took out of your wallet the other day... (I took $10)



Negotiations 

Me: I'll rock, paper, scissors you on this diaper change...