I Need An Alibi
J: You're pretty good to me!
Me: No I'm not.
J: Yes you are.
Me: No I'm not... I'm plotting on how to kill you so I can go to sleep.
The Secret To Staying Married
Me: I know that no matter how mad at me you are, you're not going to divorce me or kill me.
J: How do you know that?
Me: Because then you'd have to change diapers. The way I figure it... I've got you hooked until Jase is potty trained.
J: You're probably right.
Later that week...
J: You know I could probably just hire someone with the insurance money.
Bribery
Me: I will pay you $5 to feed the baby this morning.
J: Why are you going to pay me $5?
Me: Because that's what I took out of your wallet the other day... (I took $10)
Negotiations
Me: I'll rock, paper, scissors you on this diaper change...
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