My Birth Plan: Round 2

Here we go again... (see round 1 here)

1. Drugs. Drugs. C-Section. Drugs. Drugs. More Drugs.
2. Twilight Birth: I’m still pushing for this. Really... As I recall, my main contribution to my last c-section was puking on my husband... y’all got this! I work in marketing - it’s not like you need me to coach you on what to do behind that curtain.
3. Speaking of said curtain - if twilight isn’t happening - can we get that thing raised to the ceiling? And dear lord yes do NOT walk me through what’s happening... I already know you’re Marie Kondo-ing my insides -  no need to tell me how you’re tidying it up.
4. Again, if my husband wanted to watch the miracle of birth he should have taken the birthing class (preferably with someone else). Keep him waist-high... if I’m puking on a person it’s going to be someone who can’t charge my insurance for it.
5. Let’s go ahead and clean up that kiddo before hand-off. I’ll have years to ruin her life... let’s not start on day one by puking on her.
6. For post-birth planning: I will gladly continue to accept the drugs that the people in the labor and delivery section are rejecting...

Importantly, know that I trust you and sincerely apologize in advance if my projectile vomiting gets on your shoes... but please don’t take my drugs away if that happens.