1. If you can't throw it in the washing machine - don't buy it. This includes, but not limited to:
- baby's clothes
- your clothes
- bedding
- toys (swing/tummy time mat, etc)
- pillows
- rugs
- furniture
- the dog
2. Not only was that fart as bad as it sounded - it was worse... Delaying the change doesn't alter your fate.
3. Baby fingernails should be a registered weapon.
4. The birthing class should also include training on:
- Operating Life With One Hand
- Picking things up with your feet (course completion after "Operating Life With One Hand")
- The New Art Of Eating (Not spilling food on your child's head)
- Cry Recognition 101 (aka "What do you want????")
- Sleeping Sitting Up
5. Baby socks and mittens are jokes... Unless you duct tape them on.
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